I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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