Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
