ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
