If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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