i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
