i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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