Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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