Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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