me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
