He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
