watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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