she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
