I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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