Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
