Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
