Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
