Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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