im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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