I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i now understand why vodka
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
