i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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