The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
