You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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