I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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