what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
