Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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