sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
