She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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