defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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