I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
