day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
