I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
