Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
