true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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