please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
