It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
