just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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