Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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