I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
