he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
