i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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