and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
