I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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