dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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