Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
