i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The cops high fived after they tackled you
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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