$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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