easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
