He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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