lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
