Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
