Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
