he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
