My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
